I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
