remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
