Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
