Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
