i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
