i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
