I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
