god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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