I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
