WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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