There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
