i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
