hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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