i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
