I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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