y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
