he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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