It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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