TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
