Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
