No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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