I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
