It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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