you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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