You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
