i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
