Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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