nut hugger
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
