Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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