I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
