they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
