It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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