It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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