You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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