i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
