I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
