so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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