I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
