New low: just hacked my moms facebook
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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