i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize