the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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