I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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