Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
