I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I could have mohawked her pubes.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
