I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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