It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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