just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
