I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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