Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
