i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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