Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
