We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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